So I found this quote from www.marcandangel.com and somehow I feel related to it.
Anywayyy…these past few months were….#@!?&*# >.< not that I’m not grateful but…oh well :)
I don’t know the right place to write, since I haven’t make my own site, but guess I gotta ‘throw’ something here.
I used to be a FUN person, really! Okay I might not that spontaneous but I used to be Happy and positively influence my Lalalala-ness to others. I hate ‘self-pity’ people, but now… I’m one of them :) <—- and YES, I hate to admit this.
Disappointment indeed taught me something (I learned A LOT!) and the funny thing is that, the people who disappoint us the most bitterly…are often the people we know the best.
I do have soooo many mistakes yet regrets. But I don’t wanna go back to the old-time me. I gotta fix everything now. And I did, but everything is too late :)
You know the moment when you feel that you have spent an entire lifetime trying to be everything to everyone…but somehow, somebody is always disappointed? It’s like…you were trying to make everyone happy, but in the end…everything is pointless.
But when you heard that someone you care the most needs positive energy from other person, well it hurts me the most. I know I’m imperfect…but I did my best. It takes two to tango. It takes both sides to support each other. We are just human. We can’t force ourselves to be HAPPY all the time. It’s okay to be not okay, sometimes.
Regardless of all mistakes that I did, I don’t wanna put the key of my happiness in someone’s else pocket. I don’t wanna get close to anyone, just to make me feel less-lonely.
In order to be HAPPY, I (have to) choose to be HAPPY. Not because someone else :) and suddenly everything sounds like excuses.
I read this somewhere: In bad situations, there are always silver linings:
1. It opened my eyes who my friends were and weren’t and I’ll be better at knowing it next time. (in this case, it opened my eyes to see who the real person was).
2. I now have zero tolerance for bullshit. (excuses, etc)